Stitches

You cannot love someone entirely, without knowing all their faults. True love will encompass all weaknesses, all struggling, all offenses, and all judgement. I love you for you. For who you are, for who you've been, and for who you'll be. When someone fills up all the little holes in your life- fills you up so much that you burst over with laughter- that, that is something to be treasured. If you've found someone who you can be yourself with: your true, ugly, horrible, crazy, mistaken, beautiful, opinionated self, then hold on to that person. Care for that person. Love that person. Never give up on each other. When you feel like treating each other indifferently, purposefully send a smile their way instead. Don't just tell them you care, show them you care. Don't let something so rare rot away because of past mistakes. LOVE. And then love some more. And when you're done loving, LOVE EVEN MORE. Even if you're hurt, know that pain makes you stronger. It makes you bolder. It shows you who you are. Love through the affliction. Forgiveness will bind your wounds.

Il Mio Cuore Va

When darkness prevails, should not we still have a reason to carry on? Likewise, when turmoil surrounds us, and our very hearts grow weak with burden, should not we still know why we journey on? If you are unaware of your reasoning for carrying on this life, how can you traverse to your fullest? You will merely be grasping at thin shreds of life, hoping it will fulfill your void. Why live, if you do not know why you live. Why forgive, if you cannot see the purpose behind it. [Rhetorical questions, at best- reflect on where it takes you] I live because I have a purpose. I know my body was not formed around my soul in vain. My loins were constructed, with my skin being wrought around my bones for an intent. That is why when pain confines me, and I contemplate the comforts of giving up, I ultimately realize the dangers of doing so. If I give up the affliction and misery I face in this life, then how can I truly enjoy the wonderful things this world brings my way? If I have not tasted discomfort, then how can I appreciate joy.. warmth, trust, and love? Cliche or not, everything is brought about for a reason. My God does not work in vain. Number two brings me to a matter close to heart: forgiveness. I forgive because I have been forgiven. Sin in a sin, none is worse than the other in the eyes of my Creator. I have been as guilty as you. I have cheated, lied, blasphemed, betrayed, lusted- the list is endless. Yet, with everything I've done and continue to do, my Savior still forgives me. Time after time, his mercy meets me right where I am; on the ground. His love picks me up, whispering, "let's give this one more try--together." His love keeps no record of my wrongs [1 Cor. 13:5] and, because I have been shown this grace and mercy, I can extend it to those who have knowingly and unknowingly hurt me. Forgiveness is the one virtue I struggle with the most. My nature is to feel that if I forgive, I will be taken advantage of, wronged and hurt over and over. Maybe this nature is in all of us, which is why Jesus tells us to be ready to forgive more than seven times, even up to seventy-seven times [Matt 18:22]. Jesus forgave us for a reason, and the forgiveness isn't supposed to stop there. One of the many ways we show Christ's love to each other is through our forgiveness. So, even though I may be hurt, broken, even doubting if I can trust again, I will still forgive. It's what my Lord calls me to do. Any time a negative though congregates within my skull, I push it away, praying the Lord will continue to help me forgive. It's a daily, even minute-by-minute decision and action. But I know the struggle is worthwhile. So, I forgive.

I forgive you.

[my sin
oh, the bliss of that glorious thought
my sin, not in part, but the whole
was nailed to the cross
and I bear it no more
praise the Lord, praise the Lord
oh my soul]

I apologize for the sentence structure, spacing, lack of indentations, paragraphs, etc.. If you want to see those attributes, then go read a published book.

HappyPanda: Part II

hey :) this is my best friend :) he's also my fantastic, ginger of a boyfriend :) and I love him :) :) smileysmileysmiley

Anorexia Nervosa

I am finally starting to understand my heart. Partially, at best, but the revelations are soothing. It's just a small dent in the surface of everything that antagonizes, separates, breaks, and destructs the formation of all my mental objects and the state of my affections. Every discovery- every unmasked attempt to expose what makes me tick, is filled with pain. I'm starting to learn the value of it all, though. Pain has a purpose, and pain has worth.

more to come. I'm so tired.

[I'm prone to wander, Jesus.. and You're prone to always come after me. thank You.]

HappyPanda

it's gonna be a good life(:

These Days

I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet.. but I need it.

MeYouAndEveryoneWeKnow

it's happening again, I can see what you do to me; always different but the same.. I won't let you take, won't let you make what I refuse to give [is everything I hold at stake], ready to lose it all, just show me a worthy cause.. I'm not sure of anything, knowing it could never be your face again that lights up my world, pull it all tightly shut, I'm opening up the door, closing my heart, won't go where we've gone before.. your name means more than three letters; solitary, binding it all in one stupid, conscious effort not to break down.. truth, resistance: what do you want from me? I'm trying too hard, not trying enough.. words were tainted, love was one of them.. but you don't scare me anymore, I won't be who I was, won't show that I'm weak enough to bleed, send me on my way is how it goes [on my wrist], even the perfect shatter their best.. no one deserves this thing called true love, yet we all need it so desperately. where can truth be found, if not in You? I've convinced myself the search is worth making me blind to all the things that don't exist, love substituted as bliss is overrated.. failure to commit, unwrapping the gift, he left me in pain rediscovering my meaning of sin, I don't understand.. two on one side, one on the other; two my enemy, one my brother.. who will I trust, what will I become? each season has its story, screaming the hatred from every mistake that's torn me into pieces.. am I finally believing.. it's not worth the life you give away just to make your heart feel wanted; your touch something so special.. the endless circles/the predator/the Saviour.... make it, bind me, heal the path to the Only Righteous, I desire Your truth [is sickening], more than I can take.. would You still love me, would You still die for me, would You still kiss my sins away, hold me 'til I swore you were a part of my very soul, never letting me go, promising me an escape.. I miss you quite terribly. I want the real thing [it's all You wanna give me], I can't believe you even want to look at me, I'm starting to think there's more than all I've been given, what I've been looking for can only be found when I come to the place where I believe with my entire self that You can erase it all.. abandon the imitation, the need to know I'm beautiful.. the answer is only found in You.. let me know You still want to be the One Thing in my life I treasure above worth.. my worth; show me it's You. I'm not misplaced, I'm right where You want me, right where I've gotta be to see You're all I need.. make me want You above everything, consume me, show me I can be so much more than what I thought, what everyone sees.. make me new, rewrite my heart in truth. my regrets are more than I can take, but I know You took it all.. You loved me through my betrayal, my renouncement of what I knew to be right in Your eyes.. I am not worthy, but because of You, I am.. I can be. I am, I will be. why would You love someone like me? because You made me Your own...


[[It's not the long walk home that will change this heart, but the welcome I receive at the restart." -Mumford&Sons]]